


Quite Simply Numb

by MsUnhappyWithInfinity



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Chaptered, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Soulmates, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemy Lovers, Forbidden Love, Loss of Parent(s), Loss of Trust, M/M, Mutual Pining, Near Future, Slow Burn, Spies & Secret Agents, Strangers to Lovers, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, Undercover, Undercover Missions, Urban Fantasy, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 09:18:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15704313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsUnhappyWithInfinity/pseuds/MsUnhappyWithInfinity
Summary: Daniel Howell is a government agent, a perfect example of a normal person. Being different in his society is not only wrong, it's illegal. It labels you as a Discrepancy; a mistake.When Dan goes undercover to infiltrate a gang of Discrepancies, he finds a lot more than he bargained for; including a lover that could send his career (and his free will) spiraling down the drain.





	1. A Study in Scarlet

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is a sort of introduction to Daniel's character, so that's why it's a little short. Hopefully the next chapter will be about 2000-3000 words. Thanks for reading.

Daniel was just as normal as everyone else.  
  
He could trust that his sensor wouldn't short circuit and he that wouldn't feel again. Feeling was wrong. It was dangerous. Daniel took immense pride (or what one could call pride in a numb world) in not feeling, in following every single rule, in filling his role, and making sure that everyone else did too.  
  
Daniel took even more pride in that aspect of his absolutely and completely normal life; which was making sure that others' sensors were filtering out any feelings correctly. He was sent all over the place for his profession, discovering Discrepancies (people who ruined their sensors) and following leads to gangs of misfits that had managed to fiddle with their machinery enough to feel again.  
  
He made arrests. Frequently.  
  
Daniel never understood the urge that the Discrepancies had. Feeling had led him to nothing but pain and heartbreak during the years before the Anti-Feeling Act of 2009.  
  
During the earlier months of 2019, ten years later, he had been given an assignment in Central London, where rumors were brewing about a group of Discrepancies.  
  
"Daniel," Mr. Jacobs had said at a private meeting in his office, unrest playing in his eyes but an expression that said something different. His voice was tired when he spoke. "You know our new world only deals in facts. Recently, there have been... tales... of a large-scale Discrepancy 'gang,' disturbing the peace in District 13-8." Daniel nodded.  
  
"Central central London, sir?" Daniel asked, his interest peaked. "How bold." Mr. Jacobs smiled grimly.  
  
"Yes. That's why we're depending on you for this investigation. Now, it's not going to be anything special. All the Bureau is asking of you this time is for some short undercover work. Maybe spend a few weeks in a less controlled area, get in with the right people, do some minor infiltration." Mr. Jacobs began fiddling with a few papers on his desk, straightening them and whatnot.   
  
"Well, Sir, I'm never the one to turn down a simple job." Daniel stood. "When will I be leaving?"

Mr. Jacobs smiled, and stood up himself. "Now, if you can." He reached into a filing cabinet and pulled out a few loose papers, and then handed them to Daniel. "Here, take these."

Daniel breezed over them quickly. "Instructions?" He wasn't surprised, he always got instructions, were more lax, a lot more up to interpretation than Daniel had ever known. "These seem more like suggestions than anything else."  
  
Mr. Jacobs ran a hand over his bald head, and laughed dryly. "Well, there isn't much to instruct you on this time. The case isn't very high profile. However, during your time in London we've assigned you a roommate, and I'm sure you've read the page on that."  
  
Daniel narrowed his eyes at the words on the page. "You must not bond with your roommate? What kind of instructions are these? No one bonds anymore." He looked up at Mr. Jacobs, who simply shrugged.  
  
"Hey, I don't write this stuff. They always put it there, just in case." Mr. Jacobs laughed without humor. "Like it'll ever happen. The only people who make friends in this day and age are Discrepancies and you know how they are."  
  
Daniel smiled. "Well, Sir, before I get caught up reading these papers," Dan shook them uselessly, "I should probably get packing."  
  
Mr. Jacobs reached out to shake Daniel's hand. "By the way, Daniel, you'll be taking the train. The tickets will be delivered to you at your apartment by four." When Daniel took it, Mr. Jacobs leaned in and whispered good-naturedly, "Don't screw this up, Howell."  
  
Daniel whispered back with a smile, "I wouldn't dare."  
  
  
\--------------  
  
  
When Daniel arrived home, his roommate, PJ, was still at work, and he had the flat to himself. He quickly went to his room and pulled his duffel bag out of the closet; and began to stuff nearly everything he owned into it (which wasn't much. Just regulation clothing, his hair products, and his other various toiletries, to make him look presentable.)  
  
Daniel paused when he caught his reflection in the mirror. Straight ironed hair brown hair, freckles and blemishes covered with some light makeup, and a blank look in his dark eyes. He looked normal. Usually, the gravity of his work required him to look perfectly normal. An officer of the law.  
  
Now, as he was going undercover, he realized that there would need to be some adjustments to his daily routine, most importantly being that he would most likely need to stop straightening his hair.

Unconsciously, he ran a hand through it. It had been years, years since the last time he had let his hair go curly (its natural state); and despite his best efforts, it stirred a quiet spark of disgust in the deepest, darkest part of his heart. Hopefully, his sensor would calm it before it sputtered into a flame.

Daniel turned away, guilty at the emotion refusing to be silenced, and began to put a few knick-knacks into his suitcase. There was a small plush lion, a gift from a friend he had lost touch with years ago; a piece of smooth glass from a beach in the Isle of Man; a penny from 1947; and a well-worn furry hat that he never wore anymore. All of these items were useless, except perhaps the penny or the hat, but they still held a small ounce of respect in Daniel’s frigid heart.

It wasn’t much respect, but just enough that he swept them into the duffel bag along with his more important things.

When Daniel was satisfied, he left his bag by the front door and went into the kitchen to eat. PJ had come home while he was packing, and was preparing a meal. Daniel stood in the doorway. “I wasn’t expecting you home this early.” He chuckled.

PJ was focused on mixing something around in the sizzling pan. “Oh, yeah. There was an accident at work. Something about cross-contamination with the chicken. Tyler got fired.”

Daniel frowned. “That’s unfortunate.”

PJ glanced at Daniel. “Very. He was one of our best chefs. It also doesn’t help that the patrons have been more irritable recently since food’s been coming out slower.” He frowned. “It’s strange. I didn’t think people could feel impatience anymore… but I guess everyone has their weaknesses.”

Daniel paused in his thinking. “Wait. What do you mean ‘irritable,’?” He stood up straighter.

PJ looked a little bewildered, but continued. “Well, they just storm out randomly; or are rude to the servers. One man demanded to see the manager when we couldn’t seat him right away. I don’t even understand why. Something like this hasn’t happened since before 2009.” He began to plate up their meal. “Let’s just put this off our minds and eat, eh?”

Daniel, however, was lost in thought. “Yeah,” He mumbled. “Let’s eat.”


	2. The Seeds of Doubt

Train rides are usually boring. Everyone avoids eye contact, and usually the only entertainment that’s available is the countryside you might pass by, or a book or magazine. Daniel was usually satisfied by just staring out the window; but this trip seemed too tense for a nap or a daydreaming session.  Some instinct inside his head was telling him not to let his guard down; even in his lonely carriage.

Daniel tapped his fingers against his knees, his mind refusing to drift and make the time pass by even a little quicker. He looked out the window for a few moments. It was a bleak day in the U.K, a mask of fog obscuring his view of beige fields of wheat. It was vaguely reminiscent of a scene from  _ Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,  _ and he jumped when the carriage door slid open noisily and revealed a man; slightly older looking than Daniel, black hair swept up in a style that was on the borderline of a common regulation haircut and something else entirely. His face was kind, and revealed small wrinkles when he smiled; and he had uncommon blue/green/yellow eyes that Daniel liked looking into.

He looked a little breathless, and his voice spiked when he spoke. “Uh, is this carriage taken? Do you mind if I…?” He hovered in the doorway, carrying a small bag over his shoulder.

Daniel shook his head, and the man swung himself into the seat across from him. “I can’t thank you enough, all the other carriages were taken…” His face drifted off to nowhere for a fraction of a second before his eyes were searching Daniel’s face with a look that could only be described as intense interest, like was a specimen on a table, waiting to be categorized. “Oh, sorry,” He reached out his hand for a shake. “My name’s Philip, but you can call me Phil.”

Daniel was completely taken aback by this strange, hyperactive man he was sharing a space with for the next three hours. He hesitantly shook Phil’s hand, and quickly remembered that he was going by a short name while he was undercover. “Dan. My name is Dan.” He mumbled, and Phil smiled.

“Dan.” Phil withdrew his hand. “That’s a wonderful name. I think I once met a Dan is secondary school. He was the valedictorian.”

Dan, despite every single bit of guilt trying desperately to hold him back,  _ blushed _ . He felt the redness creep up his cheeks with that trademarked burning; and he had the urge to cover up his face and hide for a few hours. Phil was still rambling on about something or another, and Dan excused himself to go use the restroom. Phil looked a little surprised when he simply got up and mumbled something under his breath, but Dan, at that moment, was far too embarrassed to care. Something was terribly wrong.

When he got into the bathroom he shakily locked the door and looked in the mirror. There was an angry red blush painted on his cheeks. When was the last time that had happened? 2009? He was afraid; angry. This was  _ not  _ supposed to happen.  _ Ever.  _ He wasn’t supposed to like compliments; especially off-hand ones. What was going on?

He splashed some water in his face and looked up at himself. The blush was fading ever so slightly; enough that he could go back to his carriage and hope that this wouldn’t happen ever again, and that it was just a fluke.

All he could do was hope.

 

\----------

 

“Oh! You’re back!” Phil picked his head up off his hands and threw Dan a gentle grin.

Dan frowned. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He took his seat across from Phil.

Phil looked slightly embarrassed. “Um… Well, usually, I’m too much to handle for most people, and when they leave, it’s always just so they don’t have to listen to me babble.” He began to pick at a loose thread on his pants.

Dan smiled sympathetically. “That sounds… lonely.”

Phil sighed and looked Dan in the eye. “You don’t even know the half of it.” He looked down at his hands again, before collecting whatever he was going to say and glancing back up at Dan with a sheepish grin. “Wanna play MadLibs?”

Dan laughed. “I never thought I’d ever hear someone say that.”

Phil’s face was lit up with childish glee. “Well, there’s always a first for everything.” He reached into his backpack and brought out a book and a red pen. “Let’s play. You can go first.”

“Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah so I lied. it’s only like 700 something words, burn im already working on chapter three so I wanted to get this one off my chest before anything else. The next chapter will come out soon?? I guess? I don’t know what the schedule is. Maybe a short chapter every monday and thursday? idk ya’ll decide


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